The Beginning (go back »)

Thursday

MOOD: absolutely,horribly bugged

Hey everybody-who-happens-to-be-reading-my-blog,

Today I did something I've been itching to do for ages. Yup....i signed up and created a blog for "meself".Of late, there are sooooo many things happening in my mind that its like a flood of thoughts in there....and i just HAD to do somethnig to flush them out.....and this is the best bathroom i found! (ohk...lame-o sense of humour....but im in a bad mood!)

Let me start from the beginning.....just to make it easier for you (and me) to figure my life out. Im one of the millions of teens across globe who feel as if they just dont belong on this planet...or galaxy...or universe.....(am i going a bit too far?)

wondering about my nick? welll...in case you think i've got my mathematicians wrong...think again....im so confused about life that i decided to make my nick display two things im confused about....life and math!!! and voila....you have confusius....the greek confusionater!

HISTORY: lets start from where its important :)      age 7-12: i was a completely happy and content child...who always did what mom n dad said (i still do...) was the teachers pet...but lil did miss-goody-two-pigtails know at the time that everybody thought she was a dufus....an idiot....the kind of kid everybody laughs at coz they're too stupid to know it

age 12-14: ALOHA THE REAL WORLD!!! suddenly i realise what i was....and am!!!! i didnt mind it....i still dont...i mean it was ME!!! who cares how dumb other people thought i was....the fact is that i had never been more happy....anyways i was in for a rude shock.....i moved into a new school in the 8th grade...where some mojor changes did happen...but nothing prepared for what i was going to face later...NOTHING!!!!!!!

age 14-15 (present day and age): i move to another school...where im still the sweet kid who does'nt bitch and try to put down everybody....but i was still dumb...sooooo DUMB! its my first co-ed school............and its taught me more than any other school has..............

HOW IT ALL BEGAN: wellllllllll....it all started when i felt lonely......as if i had no friends.....coz i did'nt! and I'd hug the person who'd say they liked me as who i was in the first place!!!!!!!  i hardly had any friends...there were times id cry with my mom and she'd try to soothe me ...."it's ok...its not the quantity of frnds...its the quality that counts!" welll....all that jazz aint gonna do wonders to me!!! but after about 6 months or so (i kno...long time to live without a friend circle) i got into a group of girls in my class......i dont know how it happened....but its made the whole thing seem a lot more better....suddenly people knew WHO I WAS!!!! the people who mattered....the popular ones...they're the ones im talking about..........

THE BAD FEELINGS SEEPING IN: it was all great in the beginning...i felt so happy to be accepted and loved in a group i could call my own...but see...the thing was i was'nt ready for it....i was'nt a fashion freak...my hair was a mess......all this still applies even now....everything thats supposedly important to girls was everything that i cared a damn about...i didnt fit in

BOOM!: yup....it had to happen............i feel horrible know that i notice it everyday......these friends of mine are wonderful....the best thing thats happened to me since i came here..................but do they know ME? sometimes i feel as if (ohk... i KNOW IT) im the least popular in this group....and it freaks me out!

                                                                                                              Satisfied,

                                                                                                                       Confusius